Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways

I am trying to develop this habit of decreasing the length of the posts and posting more regularly. I am not sure how succesful I will be, anyway here is one for starters.

"Take your life into your own hands. Then what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame"

This is a quote I came across today when I was surfing the net. No, I do have 'substantial' work for my internship, in case you are wondering about that. I thought I should post it here.
We come across so many quotes asking us to take control of our life, otherwise it will take us according to some other's will. The worst part, according to me is definitely that there is no one else to blame. And its not such a welcoming thought, especially when things start to go in the wrong direction. But i guess there is a special feeling to know that atleast you chose it for yourself and that you are living your own life and no one else is doing it.

My summer

It is 3.45pm on 21st May, 2009. I am sitting on the 5th floor of the Big Blue... now that is the nick name for IBM. In 1 week, I hopped from Delhi to Trivandrum to Bangalore.
This is my first brush with the corporate world. No surprises, it is just like what I expected. So I am allotted to one manager who has more work than that can be finished in 24 hours. On top he has to be mentor to me who is going on torturing him. It’s been just my 4th day and my mentor apparently has stopped coming to office and is working from home. I know, I do this to everybody. But no, I am not getting away that easily. I have mailed him my ppt and waiting here jobless.
So I thought I will just update my blog. Tell a hi to those who are kind enough to check it once in a while. So here I am posting after 2 months. I was a bit busy these last 2 months. April first week it was Parivartan. And our dear ‘pari’ (rightly called fairy by all of us) flew really well. The event was a success. I am not saying this coz I was in the organising team. But it was really good. The best Parivartan DMS has seen. Even though the dates were a bit odd in the B school calendar, we managed to pull it off decently.
I had a great experience working in the Pari team. Sleepless nights, messed up exams the week before the fest, frustration, happiness. The most happening time was not the 3 days of Parivartan but the week before it. Musti and the others had done a fantastic planning that all the team had to do was sit and enjoy ... see our dear pari flying. We even got lots of appreciation from the faculty.
Then there was the whole wrapping up of the B fest which is really boring and dragging compared to the former part. Then the summer started at Delhi ... it was scorching ... Now i really know wat summer means.
After this were the major exams. I finished it dreaming of flying back home after 4 months... that was the longest that I have ever been away. Before that we had the farewell. Now the Pari team being officially christened ‘The Cultural Affairs Committee” had to organise that too. To be painfully honest, the Farewell 2009 was a total disaster. But I can say for sure that it was the farewell that neither we nor our seniors will ever forget. The “sambhava vikaasangal” (as we say in Malayalam for the happenings) were too much that it really was a hell of an experience. Yes, the pari treasurer is still crying over the 15 grand that he gave the DJ. So after that we had nothing but meetings and talking over about the whole issue, even during the majors.
Luckily, everything got solved and I headed home, flying the good times. Apparently, India’s only 5 star airline gave me a rocking (and I mean rocking me from head to toe through out the flight) journey. I have been air sick all my life, from when I can think of. But the last year, from when I flew home with dengue fever, things were getting normal. I was beginning to feel proud of myself for having recovered from the pressure and altitude sensitive person I was. So I flew from Delhi to Trivandrum via Bangalore vomiting about 4 times, making the flight horrible for the nice family sitting next to me, and landed up at Trivandrum an hour late.
And I have to wait for the baggage for almost half an hour. It comes last. Yes, when else can that come? Because it is my world and Murphy's law applies more than anything here. So I land in the Trivandrum airport, so weak and then call my mum. She argues that she is standing right there at the arrival and that I am telling her the wrong directions. Yes, that is right... my dear mum forgot a small thing... to check whether it was domestic or international terminal. Then finally after 15 minutes I am finally, heading home.
I always believed that God has been very kind to me. Even when I had such a hard time last year, things happening in my family, I always believed that all of these have been done for a reason. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
So I reach home, put my bags down. I get a call from my uncle saying that my grand father is not well. I take a quick bath and rush to see him.
He was in a real bad state. We rush him to the hospital, where he is still admitted and has to stay for another 1 week. The next 2 days I am at the hospital with my mum and grand father. Then the next day I head for Bangalore.
Joining and on boarding was smooth at Manyata at Hebbal. Thanks to Nipun, I got a PG already arranged just walking distance from the office. On Wednesday, I report and that evening the HR tells me that I have to now contact my mentor. He hasn’t picked up his phone for the past 2 weeks when I tried calling him. So I contact the person who recruited me. She gives me a number and after contacting another 4-5 people I finally understand that he is at London and will be back on Friday. Between this conversation, one of the people mentioned that he sits at EGL. Great, that is 22 km away from Hebbal and now I have no clue where I will be sitting and this person isn’t reachable.
My parents had booked tickets to go back on Thursday. So my mother went and my dad stayed back with me. Finally he called me back after me trying to reach almost everyone he knows in IBM. And here I am sitting at EGL.
If I was in MEC now, I would never have been able to have so many varied experiences in such a short span of time. I still hope that things happen for a reason, but nothing working out well these days is really trying my patience. But I am still hoping and waiting...

It all depends on your perspective

It has really been a long time since this space has been filled. I am not too sure but I think the 7 months of stay in this city has changed me. Now my mum has also started reading my blogs and her comments are straight. She just calls me up and tells it right on my face. So I am restraining myself from writing things that may sound unconventional for people from my home town.
So far Delhi has been good. Winter was superb. That was something I had never experienced and I just loved it. Now I am sitting after splashing my dress with water. I was at my local guardian’s place. The kids there and I are in a self destruction mode after filling the water balloons and ending up splashing the water on ourselves. This is my first holi. The holi celebrated at mec was friendly while this is more aggressive and in its true sense. I am enjoying the fun. I don’t know why, but here I go out to get covered in colours while in mec I never used to go to college on that day to be part of it.
Then there was the jaipur trip. Me, mary, tina, lavanya, priyanka, joseph, deepu and sreejith. It was fun especially the night at chowkithani.We could see the true spirit of Rajasthan there – the folk music, the food etc. In mec I never used to go for even a trip. I never regret that. It was my second visit to Jaipur. The city never changes, the pink buildings, the same forts.
Then there was the admission for 2009 batch last week. That was a great experience. I went there on the first day thinking I will come back in the noon. But then I stayed there the whole 3 days because interacting with some 400 or more students isn’t an opportunity you get everyday. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment even though it was tedious being at DMS from 7.30am till 5.30 pm on these 3 days. Every single person appreciated our video and pagal guy is flooded with great reviews. Thanks to all the candidates who made it a memorable event for all the people working for the admissions.
Life isn’t all perfect here. I miss my loved ones here. I miss all the people who were with me 7 months back. I don’t miss Kerala or the language or the food. I miss the people. Something I have never talked about is the people in my life. All my posts were about me and what I think or do. I don’t have many friends. But I treasure the ones I have. My personal life has always been a mystery to others. 99% of people who knows me have no idea about that part of me. No, I have no intention of revealing it in this post. But I will write a post about the most special people in my life. Many tell me that I am the kind of girl who will have no boyfriend. I am not commenting. I am leaving it for others to judge. If at all I have a boy friend, I know most people will think “Oh God save that man.”I will say that those will be people who don’t know me. People fall for the outward appearance and attitude I portray without thinking a bit more about it.
I read a blog last week where the blogger has published his experience of a crush he had in his tuition class when he was in 11th. Things like these are fun to read now. I went to the same tuition class and he was a person who had the reputation among us of not even looking at a girl and to know now that he had a crush! Everyone has got their fair share of crushes in their teenage. I also had mine. Just that no one knew. I never used to tell it to anyone. It was a very short list. I can count them in my hands. As I said I never had a person to confide everything to till mec. There was one person there who will listen to all my jokes, my dreams, my crushes and every stupid thing I would say. That was one of the main reasons why mec is so dear to me.
My class mates are getting married one by one. This has definitely set my mother on high alert. I am clear about the kind of person I want to spend my life with. I may or may not get anyone like that still I know what I want. I know me well and so it is easy for me to give a description of the most compatible person. There is a very close friend of mine. I promised him I will not write anything about him in my blog when we had a fight but I am breaking that now. Still I regard him as my best friend though he doesn’t feel that close to me now. I consider him so because he knew me well more than I knew myself. He was able to clear my mind and tell me what I will be happy with when I was standing in the middle of nowhere confused. I come out with all this out of the world qualities that my guy should have and my mother mock at me saying we might have to make someone with these qualities and wait for the person to get old enough to marry me.
I may sound a bit quixotic... but I feel that marriages are made in heaven. To end up with that person is really pre decided. No, I am not starting off with the tag line of Dil tho pagal hai. But marriage is definitely one thing that we cannot bang on. I see lots of relations around me – a few serious ones, many flings, a few where the people themselves don’t know what they are doing etc. From all these, what I understood is that it is the most difficult to find a steady and serious relation which will end up in marriage. People have different perspectives about how they should live their life before marriage. Some girls say that they should enjoy their life fullest before getting married. I think that you can enjoy life to the fullest only when you are with the person you love the most. I don’t think that being in a relation is bad. It is actually good if you find someone who is that compatible with you. But according to me, all such relations should lead to marriage. So you may tell me you are not sure, arre yaar then why get into the relation in the first place?

Confused!!!

I think i have lost the enthusiasm to blog... Maybe it is because nothing much is happening. Or it maybe 'coz I am enjoying the low profile I have now. Or is it coz i have people around me who i can confide to and speak my mind out. Anyway, i think it is good i take a break from this... Go into hiding...

I don't believe in running out of topics... coz u can write about anything... But it is nice to take a break from everything 'coz i myself has started feeling that my writings are monotonous..

So the next time i blog will be the time I have something that interesting or when i want to scream out to the world what I feel

To feel India - fly Air India

I have lots to write... Terrorism to ending the first semester to my summer placements. I havent written about all those stuff... Personally, I am having fun and a hectic schedule at DMS. Thanks to me getting into the Parivartan committee... which organises our annual B fest. That takes up my free time if at all i have any.
So let me write about my flight back home. IC 465 from Dehi to Trivandrum via Kochi. So my friend and I got in to this supposed to be luxurious aircraft to reach back home. We took our seats and i was hoping to catch up on my long lost sleep. I was really tired with the packing ... We have to pack our stuff at the end of each semester and vacate our rooms as if we are never gonna come back.. thts a hell of a job.
Yea, so i sat down thinking of being in the lap of luxury... suddenly i heard something whizz pass me... a fly.. a fly inside the Indian Airlines. It went and sat on the the turban of the sardar sitting in front of me. My friend then rightly said... "welcome to air INDIA"... I wouldn't have been surprised at all if a rat had ran by on the floor...
The seats were pathetic and dirty... The food wasn't upto the mark. When i got out of the flight i saw my hand red and swollen... Guess what... A bed bug bit me in the flight!!!
Everyone to whom I said this was laughing like anything... And my best friend started teasing me coz i had started to support IA coz I had been travelling in it for quite some months now.
Then i heard a news report on Dec 5 - The following is the news excerpt from THe Hindu dated dec 6th, 2008:
Flight IC-465 was initially delayed as the aircraft designated to fly on the Delhi-Thiruvananthapuram sector was coming from Patna and was running late. Since the incoming flight was late, the outgoing flight too got affected.“Once the plane landed, the passengers boarded the plane around 7-50 p.m. That’s when the pilot noticed a technical snag and the aircraft had to be changed. So the passengers had to be de-boarded. Another aircraft was available, but it had to be brought from the hangar to the allotted parking bay. That took some time as the plane had to cross a few taxiways to reach there,” claimed an airline official.
However, two Members of Parliament, who were among the passengers, reportedly refused to board the aircraft.
“The flight finally took off at 10-15 p.m., without the two MPs,” the official added.
I heard in a local news channel that the reason why the 2 MPs didnt get off the original aircraft was that they were complaining of the poor plight of the aircrafts that are to fly in the Delhi- Tvm route. They wanted a confirmation from the minister himself about the change of flight. But in vain and the pilot had to fly without the MPs coz of the rest of the passengers.

The motives of the MPs are genuine this time coz I have had my experience just 2 days before ... This shows the interest with which the aviation sector maintains its carriers. And it is losing its customers 'coz of this. Next time i will try my best to avoid boarding an Indian Airlines flight.

I’m loving it!

Now my life isn’t that boring. There are lots and lots of exciting things happening. But I just don’t feel like writing because otherwise I wouldn’t know where to start from. The most interesting thing about my life now is its unpredictability. I am a person who used to plan out everything in my life. The last 3 months taught me to take life more easily.
Eventful!!! That was the last 3 months.
I came to know the person who had been hiding inside me. I like her better than the old me. My dad and mum came to drop me in Delhi. And on the eve of my joining, my dad had a heart attack and he was in the hospital. I went to join my new college seeing my dad in the midst of tubes in the ICU. He was then shifted to one of the best heart speciality hospitals in Delhi. He was in the ICU for 6 days and they performed a surgery. I liked the way I handled the whole situation, supporting my mum who was so lost in this new place. I was able to heave a sigh of relief only after they landed in Trivandrum.
So I thought the worst was over. What more can happen? I will just go through the last 1 month of my life. I am unsure of how many people actually read this blog. This serves more as a memoir for me so that I can understand how I was at each point of time. So here goes... I’ll start of from September 3rd , 2008– the day before I turned 22 and the day our first minor test got over.
September 3rd , Thursday:
11.30pm – I get a call from my class mate asking me to come to department as I have to discuss with them about the teacher’s day celebrations. I didn’t suspect anything even though all of us in the mallu gang meet at 12 am for each others birthday because it was no onoe from the ‘gang’ calling and the reason seemed genuine.
11.45pm – I reach department to find no one concerned there and wondering what is happening.
September 4th:
12 am – People appear out of no where and I am taken into a room where there is a big birthday cake! Yea, it was the most surprising birthday celebration I had with almost half the class there.
1 am - I am sitting with the members of the mallu gang at Nescafe where we had a small celebration again.
3 am- I was washing out the cake from my hair
8 am – I wake up for breakfast and start working on the invite I have to give the teachers for the teacher’s day celebration.
10 am – I succumb to the pressure of my friends and go for “Rock on”
2pm- We return back to campus
5pm- I finish the invite and rush to class
9pm – Class is over and I start with the compering script for the next day
Friday , September 5th, :
1.30 am – I am in the lounge with Joseph and still half way through the script
9 am- I wake up with high fever and go back to sleep after taking a crocin.
2 pm – I wake up remembering about the event I hav to compere at 5.30 pm
5.30 pm – I am on the stage dressed in complete formals feeling really tired.
7.30 pm – I collapse after getting down the stage
10.00pm- I am admitted in the IIT hospital with 104 degree temperature and the duty doc wouldn’t allow me to travel in such a situation to my local guardian’s place. I understood the reason once I tried to stand up and fell back in the bed with my head spinning. Thanks to Sreejith who stayed back all night for me.
Saturday, September 6th:
5 am – I left for my local guardian’s place. My roomie packed my bag as I might have to stay there till Monday.
7am – I reach there and went directly to the bed.
9pm – I understand that its not the ordinary viral fever I always get. I don’t feel any temperature but the thermometer shows nothing less than 100 degree at any point of time. Finally, my local guardian and I concluded that the instrument was damaged.
Sunday, September 7th:
10am- I am taken to hospital so that I will be fit and fine to return by monday or latest Wednesday. The doctor says I am having some kind of viral fever and have to take numerous blood tests.
5pm – The result of blood test states that I have a very low platelet count but the dengue test is negative.
Monday, September 8th:
9 am – My father tells me to get into the flight at 4.30 pm from Delhi to Trivandrum.
3.30 pm – I reach airport and am taken around in a wheel chair
10.30pm – I reach Trivandrum half dead with practically no luggage. During the flight I understood that I couldn't even stand straight without someone helping me. All I could remember was being pushed in the wheel chair to my mother who came running to hug me.
That was too much for my family as my dad had returned from Delhi, in the same flight, one and a half months back, the same manner – in a wheel chair.
Tuesday, September 9th:
10 am: I am at the hospital trying my best not to trouble the people there and trying to walk. But in vain, I needed a wheel chair. I fainted in the wheel chair and was transferred to a stretcher and I just remember people running around me, pushing me to get medicines that would revive me. My doctor congratulated me for making it alone in this condition
Nothing much happened in the next 1 week with me in the hospital. I tried to cheer up my mother who was really down by this time. I don’t blame her. Her husband was saved from almost death, her father was hospitalised for the previous 2 weeks and her daughter was now lying, u can say almost dead, with some deadly disease. I was so pale and lost 5 kg in 5 days that people hardly recognised me.
I recovered... my doctor gives credit to my diet and my age for the rate at which I got back. I was so proud. I think he never thought seeing my frame work that I will get over it in such a short time. But then it took me almost a month to be back to what I was and that too with strict diet and not doing anything. Big thanks to all my class mates and even seniors at DMS. Everyone did what ever they could to make sure that I wasn’t missing anything and that I was comfortable.
Why I wrote this was to understand when I read it back I will understand that there are things that are not in my hand or any ones. Things can go wrong however well we plan. When I was cutting that cake, little did I know that I was going to be home in 4 days!
So here I am back in Delhi... I missed 5 weeks of classes on the whole. Today it is the 12th of October and at 11pm I am writing my blog. I have a presentation tomorrow at 10 am for which I hav to start preparing. Then another one on Tuesday at 9 am - for which my group hasn’t even decided the topic. From Wednesday to Sunday we have the minor test 2.
What will I say... I haven’t even attended a single class from 1st minor. Leave alone studying!
I am looking forward to the chilling cold that starts in November. I have never stayed at a place below 10 degree for more than a week. That sounds fun. After minors, we get our sem break and diwali clubbed. We all have to go winter shopping by then. Then there will be major exams by November end. Then we have to start a whole lot of planning for Parivartan – the annual B fest of DMS, IIT delhi and I am in the organising committee of this huge event or “Pari” as we all fondly call it.
Now I know nothing will go if we plan. I am taking life as it comes – not pressurising me or anyone around. I know everything happens for a reason and I trust the person above blindly. He will let only the best things happen to us. I never troubled him or became angry at what He did to me or my dad. I just prayed that He give me and my family the strength to come out of the testing times.
Life goes on... And I’m loving it!!!

LOST IN TRANSITION

September 23... The last post was in July. This was a transition period and I was lost in that. When I started blogging I promised that I will post at least 1 post a month. I couldn't even keep up to that. But still I could have written something if I wanted to. Every one has just 24 hours and we can do anything if we wanted to. I was going through one of the lowest times of my life these 3 months. It’s just that I didn’t want to write anything.
No, I wasn’t quite mystified by the MBA course or the odd timings it trained us to work in. I was expecting all that... maybe more severe than what it is in DMS. Things in my personal life took quite a turn which affected me, my attitude and everything in what I do. I will never forget these 3 months of my life.
One of my friends rightly told me that once we are out of college we face the life with all its harsh realities. It’s so true. Be it job, higher studies – abroad or here- we move a bit closer to the real life. Inside the college we were so secure... those walls protecting us from the real world.
So September came and I celebrated my 22nd birthday in the 1st week. The next day I got hospitalised for the first time in my life. I was diagnosed with sever dengue fever. I was literally air lifted. I landed back home in a wheel chair on September 7th. I was rushed to the hospital the next day morning and there I lay for 6 long days. I was grumbling all the week before that this will be the first Onam that I wouldn’t be at home. God answered my prayer. I spend Onam in the hospital not able to eat anything but rice soup the whole week.
But all these incidents in the last months made me understood that I am stronger than I thought I was. One good thing that I understood and practise now is never expect anything from anyone. Life becomes so simple after that. More than half of the problems in relation ships, what ever colour they are in, will be solved. I remember a senior at IIT Delhi telling me that you make life long friends at school and degree but not for your MBA. I am not sure whether that is true. I will be in a better position to comment on that after 1 and a half years. Though you can’t generalise this, mostly it will be close friends for surviving the 2 years and the it will be “just friends”.
Now I don’t keep analysing whether I am happy or sad. But I am here. One of the good B schools in the country... I made the choice. No one is to be blamed or absolved. But the feeling of insecurity grows on you.
Well all these shouldn’t confuse anyone about the college that I am a part of now. It’s absolutely wonderful and a privilege to be associated with IIT Delhi. I understood that there is a very different world out there. I came to know that you can learn engineering like this too ... very different from what I saw in MEC. Now I am sitting at home for more than 2 weeks but I hate to take this break. I am raring to go back and be a part of the whole fun... yea, fun in a different way it is. You never know hours passing by there. Hours there are like minutes at home. Maybe my mother was complaining that I don’t even talk to her at Delhi that I was brought back for so long in quite an unexpected break.
Every one should have one period of their life studying at an Indian Institute, just to know the difference. I like my new college. But I can’t compare it with MEC. MEC is one place which gave me lot of things in life – both good and bad... of course; the good out weighs the bad.
And the city is brimming with life. I would have liked everything about Delhi if it weren’t for the climate and the water. And of course the sporadic blasts. I feel no one there is really worried about their safety. They all have learned to live with that fear. For someone who has never stayed outside Kerala except for holidays, Delhi seemed more like a culture shock. But i too am beginning to like that place.
Everyone I know has moved on in life... Some even getting married. It’s a transition phase for all of us. We are all getting used to the new life and also the lives of others around. Most of them have gone serious, unlike what I saw them in school or college. It will be childish if I say I want to come back to MEC. That phase is over and I should be careful to make sure the next phase is the best in my life. And I hope IIT D leaves a smile on my face, when I look at the snaps after 3 years of the time I spend there, just like what MEC does to me now.