Barkha Dutt and Chetan Bhagat tweets so correctly ... South is gentler than North...

Thanks to my fever, term papers, assignments, submissions, friends coming over to visit ... I am on the verge of going crazy ... I miss my real friends... :(

My new findings :)

Life is so fast changing. I feel odd sometimes when I have to take most of the decisions by myself now. Till engineering, there were people like KK who I can run up to and he will be there for me. I still don’t know why I am using these acronyms; it used to be mysterious for those who didn’t know. But thanks to KK that he has publicised it. I was really surprised by how he found out. Anyway after coming here when I was left all on my own, life seemed to be at a different plane.
I mess some things up and do well in other situations. I guess this is all part of growing up. Now days I don’t run up to others for all petty things. My mother is my support system.
I realise now that the most difficult part is living with your own self. Your life is what you make of it and how you choose it to be. When you mess up anything the truth is you yourself is to be blamed. That is why the toughest part is living with your own self. You are a result of your environment, up bringing and friends. I think, though the inside remains the same, the way you behave changes with your environment and people you are with. You learn to adapt yourself so quickly that you yourself forget the person who you were. Sometimes you hate yourself for the person you are and doing what you do,
If you think like that, then it is funny why people get divorced. They start living with each other and they change because of their spouse. So in the end, it is actually you yourself for a divorce. For that matter, any relation, be it friendship, love... anything. Stupid theory isn’t it?
When I was younger, my mother used to tell me that this is the best time in my life. I used to totally oppose that. I used to hate home works, going to school, tuitions and worst of all – exams. Life seemed a cake walk for my parents. All they have to do is work all day, they don’t even have home works, and they get their bank account refilled on the first of the month. Now I realize what she said. Life becomes more and more complex when you get older. Your relations become complex, your studies become complex, world around becomes complex, your life style becomes complex, you yourself becomes complex that it takes a lot of work to decipher you.
In this mad race for survival we miss out on so many things. But is it all just for survival or because man’s greed is never ending?

Another one of those days

So I am back in October. Exams are round the corner... that means tomorrow. I am down with a flu and trying my best with my usual dose of homeopathy, hot water, salt and calpol to stay as lightly affected as possible. This happens to me all the time during exams. This time its not my fault though. Thanks to Sreejith who was sneezing all the way next to me in the fin class. I am not blaming him... almost half of my class was down with flu. Thanks to the climate change here.
Now I am going through that period where I feel useless, left out and totally non productive. Seems like there is nothing worth while to focus in the future and also as if what ever i am doing is not bringing back the reward. This wait is going on for the past one year. Hope it really brings some nice juicy fruits in the end.
The good things happening is I called KK and was feeling really good hearing his cheerful sound once again. Good that he has got some interim relief.
I am just waiting to get the exams over and get my hands on the new camera that my dad is sending me. Yea, so i have one thing to look forward to.
The rat race will begin shortly with the placement seasons commencing in 2 months or so. I hope to come out alive. When I tell my family about the tension of a fresher struggling to manage a decent job in a B school expecting sympathy, I get the opposite treatment for having let go off 3 good job offers and going for MBA in the first place.
Anyway ... will keep posting and I need all prayers possible to come out of this happily.

Pursuit of Happyness

Finally I saw the movie that I have heard so much about. My best friend always wanted me to see it. It was his personal favourite. Hmm... that reminds me that I have been talking of lots of close friends and lots of best friends. I should name something specific for each. So what will I call this one? Mr. PG ... hmm.. so I always wanted to see the movie.

It was a good one.. I recommend it for all who havent seen it. The next thing i did was go online and check in the wikipedia about Gardner. Its so nice to see and read about stuff like these. Its a reality check. It makes ur feet stand firm in the ground.

To my friends...

I am doing no justice to my blog. It is not that I didn’t get any time after reaching IIT but I am too lazy to type anything. Though I have taken 3 courses in finance, I haven’t touched my books till the day before the exams. So I managed to sail through the minor exams. This might be the third time that I am trying to put something up in this space here. I hope at least this will go up there.

So what was happening after I left home to Delhi? Nothing much other than that I am experiencing the wide variety of climate across India right here in the last one and a half month. The first 2 weeks was horrible with the humidity touching 100%. I was running around to confirm the final courses I am going to take this sem. I am still wondering why I am taking finance if I badly want to get into the IT sector. People have been terrorising me about working in this part right from my engineering college days. But after my stint at IBM I really liked the culture there, though 2 months is not the actual work... still.

I have no clue what is happening with my other friends. I got one friend from my short stay in Bangalore and she calls me often. It is funny how short a time is needed to get attached to one person. I am looking forward to her visit in November to Delhi. Hope I will be back in Bangalore after 1 year and be with the people I want to be.

Then there is Lakshman. He claims I left Bangalore without seeing him while I blame him for that. He is the only one from MEC who wished me on friendship day. He reminds me that he is alive once a week. I just hope he makes into a decent B school next year and remains the same friend for ever. Most of the people I met in Bangalore where from my college. I think they are the ones who know me very well and I like them for treating me the same. Then there is Nipun. It still beats me how we became friends in college, why I was in his main project group. He has been so nice to me when I was in Bangalore. A tough local guardian!

There are a lot of friends who keep in touch online. I make it a point to wish each and every close friend of mine on their birthday. Now its orkut which keeps reminding us. But 2 years back when there was no orkut, still I used to wish my close friends from school. I remove my birthday reminder from orkut 2 days before my birthday because I do not want every tom, dick and harry scrapping me. I just want the people who care for me to remember and wish me. I don’t care or want to care about people who do not care for me.

Except for one or two most of the married girls or rather women, as I should call them, do not bother to keep in touch. I do not know how their lives change. All I am hoping is that I do not change after my marriage. I am determined to stay in touch with all my friends all thru out.

Last week was good. I turned 23. I have started hating the ideas of birthdays. I turn one year older because of them. And after 22, especially for girls, its no longer a fun business coz u know u are aging. The mallu gang as usual was there with a birthday cake. I cut it 10 minutes past 12 coz they call me up and ask me to come to youth cafe which is like 15 min ride from my hostel at 11.50pm. So at 12 am I was cycling in the rain and got inside that food court thru the big puddle. But thanks to those guys. Everyone except me had at least one exam on that day and Tina had three.

I am spending time the way I want to, with people I want to. I just know that I won’t regret doing what I am doing ever.

So 1 week past 23, I am cool but a bit worried about getting older. My parents are not cool at all and are determined to get me engaged next year. I don’t want to stop time. Maybe I would like to fast forward it and see what will happen in 2010 because I feel as though it is one year which I will never forget.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways

I am trying to develop this habit of decreasing the length of the posts and posting more regularly. I am not sure how succesful I will be, anyway here is one for starters.

"Take your life into your own hands. Then what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame"

This is a quote I came across today when I was surfing the net. No, I do have 'substantial' work for my internship, in case you are wondering about that. I thought I should post it here.
We come across so many quotes asking us to take control of our life, otherwise it will take us according to some other's will. The worst part, according to me is definitely that there is no one else to blame. And its not such a welcoming thought, especially when things start to go in the wrong direction. But i guess there is a special feeling to know that atleast you chose it for yourself and that you are living your own life and no one else is doing it.

My summer

It is 3.45pm on 21st May, 2009. I am sitting on the 5th floor of the Big Blue... now that is the nick name for IBM. In 1 week, I hopped from Delhi to Trivandrum to Bangalore.
This is my first brush with the corporate world. No surprises, it is just like what I expected. So I am allotted to one manager who has more work than that can be finished in 24 hours. On top he has to be mentor to me who is going on torturing him. It’s been just my 4th day and my mentor apparently has stopped coming to office and is working from home. I know, I do this to everybody. But no, I am not getting away that easily. I have mailed him my ppt and waiting here jobless.
So I thought I will just update my blog. Tell a hi to those who are kind enough to check it once in a while. So here I am posting after 2 months. I was a bit busy these last 2 months. April first week it was Parivartan. And our dear ‘pari’ (rightly called fairy by all of us) flew really well. The event was a success. I am not saying this coz I was in the organising team. But it was really good. The best Parivartan DMS has seen. Even though the dates were a bit odd in the B school calendar, we managed to pull it off decently.
I had a great experience working in the Pari team. Sleepless nights, messed up exams the week before the fest, frustration, happiness. The most happening time was not the 3 days of Parivartan but the week before it. Musti and the others had done a fantastic planning that all the team had to do was sit and enjoy ... see our dear pari flying. We even got lots of appreciation from the faculty.
Then there was the whole wrapping up of the B fest which is really boring and dragging compared to the former part. Then the summer started at Delhi ... it was scorching ... Now i really know wat summer means.
After this were the major exams. I finished it dreaming of flying back home after 4 months... that was the longest that I have ever been away. Before that we had the farewell. Now the Pari team being officially christened ‘The Cultural Affairs Committee” had to organise that too. To be painfully honest, the Farewell 2009 was a total disaster. But I can say for sure that it was the farewell that neither we nor our seniors will ever forget. The “sambhava vikaasangal” (as we say in Malayalam for the happenings) were too much that it really was a hell of an experience. Yes, the pari treasurer is still crying over the 15 grand that he gave the DJ. So after that we had nothing but meetings and talking over about the whole issue, even during the majors.
Luckily, everything got solved and I headed home, flying the good times. Apparently, India’s only 5 star airline gave me a rocking (and I mean rocking me from head to toe through out the flight) journey. I have been air sick all my life, from when I can think of. But the last year, from when I flew home with dengue fever, things were getting normal. I was beginning to feel proud of myself for having recovered from the pressure and altitude sensitive person I was. So I flew from Delhi to Trivandrum via Bangalore vomiting about 4 times, making the flight horrible for the nice family sitting next to me, and landed up at Trivandrum an hour late.
And I have to wait for the baggage for almost half an hour. It comes last. Yes, when else can that come? Because it is my world and Murphy's law applies more than anything here. So I land in the Trivandrum airport, so weak and then call my mum. She argues that she is standing right there at the arrival and that I am telling her the wrong directions. Yes, that is right... my dear mum forgot a small thing... to check whether it was domestic or international terminal. Then finally after 15 minutes I am finally, heading home.
I always believed that God has been very kind to me. Even when I had such a hard time last year, things happening in my family, I always believed that all of these have been done for a reason. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
So I reach home, put my bags down. I get a call from my uncle saying that my grand father is not well. I take a quick bath and rush to see him.
He was in a real bad state. We rush him to the hospital, where he is still admitted and has to stay for another 1 week. The next 2 days I am at the hospital with my mum and grand father. Then the next day I head for Bangalore.
Joining and on boarding was smooth at Manyata at Hebbal. Thanks to Nipun, I got a PG already arranged just walking distance from the office. On Wednesday, I report and that evening the HR tells me that I have to now contact my mentor. He hasn’t picked up his phone for the past 2 weeks when I tried calling him. So I contact the person who recruited me. She gives me a number and after contacting another 4-5 people I finally understand that he is at London and will be back on Friday. Between this conversation, one of the people mentioned that he sits at EGL. Great, that is 22 km away from Hebbal and now I have no clue where I will be sitting and this person isn’t reachable.
My parents had booked tickets to go back on Thursday. So my mother went and my dad stayed back with me. Finally he called me back after me trying to reach almost everyone he knows in IBM. And here I am sitting at EGL.
If I was in MEC now, I would never have been able to have so many varied experiences in such a short span of time. I still hope that things happen for a reason, but nothing working out well these days is really trying my patience. But I am still hoping and waiting...

It all depends on your perspective

It has really been a long time since this space has been filled. I am not too sure but I think the 7 months of stay in this city has changed me. Now my mum has also started reading my blogs and her comments are straight. She just calls me up and tells it right on my face. So I am restraining myself from writing things that may sound unconventional for people from my home town.
So far Delhi has been good. Winter was superb. That was something I had never experienced and I just loved it. Now I am sitting after splashing my dress with water. I was at my local guardian’s place. The kids there and I are in a self destruction mode after filling the water balloons and ending up splashing the water on ourselves. This is my first holi. The holi celebrated at mec was friendly while this is more aggressive and in its true sense. I am enjoying the fun. I don’t know why, but here I go out to get covered in colours while in mec I never used to go to college on that day to be part of it.
Then there was the jaipur trip. Me, mary, tina, lavanya, priyanka, joseph, deepu and sreejith. It was fun especially the night at chowkithani.We could see the true spirit of Rajasthan there – the folk music, the food etc. In mec I never used to go for even a trip. I never regret that. It was my second visit to Jaipur. The city never changes, the pink buildings, the same forts.
Then there was the admission for 2009 batch last week. That was a great experience. I went there on the first day thinking I will come back in the noon. But then I stayed there the whole 3 days because interacting with some 400 or more students isn’t an opportunity you get everyday. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment even though it was tedious being at DMS from 7.30am till 5.30 pm on these 3 days. Every single person appreciated our video and pagal guy is flooded with great reviews. Thanks to all the candidates who made it a memorable event for all the people working for the admissions.
Life isn’t all perfect here. I miss my loved ones here. I miss all the people who were with me 7 months back. I don’t miss Kerala or the language or the food. I miss the people. Something I have never talked about is the people in my life. All my posts were about me and what I think or do. I don’t have many friends. But I treasure the ones I have. My personal life has always been a mystery to others. 99% of people who knows me have no idea about that part of me. No, I have no intention of revealing it in this post. But I will write a post about the most special people in my life. Many tell me that I am the kind of girl who will have no boyfriend. I am not commenting. I am leaving it for others to judge. If at all I have a boy friend, I know most people will think “Oh God save that man.”I will say that those will be people who don’t know me. People fall for the outward appearance and attitude I portray without thinking a bit more about it.
I read a blog last week where the blogger has published his experience of a crush he had in his tuition class when he was in 11th. Things like these are fun to read now. I went to the same tuition class and he was a person who had the reputation among us of not even looking at a girl and to know now that he had a crush! Everyone has got their fair share of crushes in their teenage. I also had mine. Just that no one knew. I never used to tell it to anyone. It was a very short list. I can count them in my hands. As I said I never had a person to confide everything to till mec. There was one person there who will listen to all my jokes, my dreams, my crushes and every stupid thing I would say. That was one of the main reasons why mec is so dear to me.
My class mates are getting married one by one. This has definitely set my mother on high alert. I am clear about the kind of person I want to spend my life with. I may or may not get anyone like that still I know what I want. I know me well and so it is easy for me to give a description of the most compatible person. There is a very close friend of mine. I promised him I will not write anything about him in my blog when we had a fight but I am breaking that now. Still I regard him as my best friend though he doesn’t feel that close to me now. I consider him so because he knew me well more than I knew myself. He was able to clear my mind and tell me what I will be happy with when I was standing in the middle of nowhere confused. I come out with all this out of the world qualities that my guy should have and my mother mock at me saying we might have to make someone with these qualities and wait for the person to get old enough to marry me.
I may sound a bit quixotic... but I feel that marriages are made in heaven. To end up with that person is really pre decided. No, I am not starting off with the tag line of Dil tho pagal hai. But marriage is definitely one thing that we cannot bang on. I see lots of relations around me – a few serious ones, many flings, a few where the people themselves don’t know what they are doing etc. From all these, what I understood is that it is the most difficult to find a steady and serious relation which will end up in marriage. People have different perspectives about how they should live their life before marriage. Some girls say that they should enjoy their life fullest before getting married. I think that you can enjoy life to the fullest only when you are with the person you love the most. I don’t think that being in a relation is bad. It is actually good if you find someone who is that compatible with you. But according to me, all such relations should lead to marriage. So you may tell me you are not sure, arre yaar then why get into the relation in the first place?