Self-contemplation!

When angry, count four... This is a famous quote by Mark Twain. Now when some one is angry, people say that the person loses his rational capacity. Anger is a short term of madness. When I am angry, I also forget that I have to start counting. But this definitely works, but the problem is more than 90% of the time I forget that I have to count. Personally, I get angry very fast and cool down faster than that. I blurt out something, thanks to my short temper, but it takes me less than half an hour to regain my old self and I am full of apologies. All my close friends know this, and only they can understand me.
I have met people who are worse than me (though, that group is a minority ;)). Every one has the right to feel irritated and wretched at some point of time. But when someone starts shouting at me angrily, I just keep quiet and listen. I think I have immense patience in hearing out people when they are in a wretched situation.
There will be lots of things going in my head at the same point of time. So there will be many instances, when I may appear thoroughly attentive but I won’t be hearing anything that you are saying. But I replay it after storing in my buffer. So there will be lots of instances when my response can be too slow and you can call me tube light.
Another problem is that if I get into a hassle with anyone, that will stay in my mind and I will have no peace of mind until I sort it out. The biggest problem is that when something like this stays in mind, it adversely affects my dealings with others. That frustration comes out in the form of anger even to the slightest folly that any one else does. This is a very childish and immature behaviour of mine. And I am sure that everyone will feel insecure at some point or the other. I am trying out things that take me out of that situation. Sitting alone, not talking to anyone, taking a drive, listening to music and now writing this blog... yea, that’s definitely helping :).
I take a lot of time to get close friends with anyone. Maybe, it’s because I have been taught never to trust anyone and I am prejudiced about some matters. But once I am friends with I claim to be the most sincere person anyone can find. I’ll see through any flaws of my friends. But the best complement that I have got from my friend (who is my worst critic, as well) is that I have improved so much in the last 4 years. I thank my life in Cochin for that. And that’s one of the main reasons why the last 4 years is so dear to me.
Everybody who knows me will have a different impression about me. The thing I hate the most is that most people is too judging. Unfortunately, my home town is also filled with a bunch of narrow minded people, worse than anywhere in the state. So that’s my policy, I don’t go after people begging to correct their impression about me. I think there is no need to do that. We cannot convince anyone about anything if they are already convinced themselves. So I tell myself that they just missed the opportunity to be my friend. Sometimes, I lose it. Everyone does at one point or the other.
So this will be how I’ll react to the most pathetic situation I am in. Hmmm... I think everyone will be in the same situation at one point or the other. But, the reason why we are all unique is because we all react to these circumstances in a totally different manner. I am a 100% predictable person and my close friends can guess what I will do next with a probability of being right equal to 1. But I am not at all a bad a human being :). I am very emotional and a tough nut at the same time and I like it that way.